This exists because I couldn't find what I needed for my daughter. Every bit of advice I received from the professionals didnt help us. At 3 she went through a trauma and was never the same. 2 years of struggling caused a regression and the autism spectrum formed. Regressive autism. Healing this release and rebuilding development that went off track taught me everything here. Once the physiological sigh and shiver returned to her cry and the natural release of play restored, regressions stopped.

I learnt this by working backwards, why do therapist fail or therapies make people worse. Then found the coresponding psych concept to address it. In the cyber world when you find a flaw you spread awareness. The industry jumps to protect a computer, in 48 hours change happens and a solution is rolled out. One would hope that the industry that looks after the vulnerable would want to do better too.

After two years of trying to spread awareness and getting no response from governing bodies, universities or research centres. I'm leaving this here for whoever finds it. Who knew, the industry that is about growth and development suffers from institutional inertia preventing change and learning from it's failings and flaws. After all, we are all only human and failiable.

If you are a school or teacher that reads this or a parent who wants to understand how a school can help, you can find how play presents in the classroom here and how passion projects and collaboration can be used in learning plans. There is more of that framework, but it is draft at the moment. A school or teacher collaborating could make that better. My daughter mapped out diffcult behaviours she sees in class with me and what she would want said to her. I wouldn't have been able to get the outcome I did with my child without her school or teachers collaborating and play silly games with her. Connection supports sensory integration. Collaboration supports connection and brain synchronicity.

You can learn this in 6 weeks. You can see it in any child when you watch them play, you can see it in adults and your loved ones. You can see it in the workplace. You can see your own play too.

I've never been able to find a psychologist to build a study to document how it works and how it is repeatable. Every family that has trusted me and tried it no matter the genetics see shift of some form. I have an OT Centre that might want to run a pilot with their staff if I can find a pyschologist.

90% of development happens in the first 4-5 years of life. At different ages, key pathways develop.

Development Happens in Parallel and Through Key Windows

The brain operates through interconnected networks. Each network supports different functions, but no network works alone.

The default mode network is active during rest and internally focused thought. It helps create our sense of self by bringing together:

The DMN also maintains mental representations central to our attachment internal working models: our expectations about ourselves, who we can approach for care, how they will respond and whether their response will help.

Altered DMN activity and connectivity have been identified in PTSD, depression, schizophrenia, autism, ADHD and Alzheimer's disease. In PTSD, disrupted coordination between the default mode, salience and central executive networks is associated with changes in self-referential processing, arousal and executive functioning.

Development of the DMN is thought to happen over the first 5 years of life.

Through repeated interactions with caregivers, children develop an internal working model of themselves, other people and relationships.

It contains expectations such as:

These expectations guide how a child interprets relationships, seeks comfort, responds to separation and manages closeness.

Internal working models are not fixed. Responsive relationships, repair after disconnection and repeated experiences of being seen, understood and supported can continue to reshape them.

The default mode network helps maintain these internal representations by connecting autobiographical memory, beliefs about the self, expectations of others and social understanding.

The insula integrates signals from inside the body with emotion, attention and conscious experience. It helps us recognise what is happening within ourselves and determine what needs our attention.

Its functions include:

The anterior insula is a key hub of the salience network. It identifies important internal and external information and helps switch activity between the default mode network and central executive network.

Atypical insular activation and connectivity have been identified in autism. Research has also found insular differences across schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, addiction, obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety. Goodkind and colleagues found convergent grey-matter loss in the bilateral dorsal anterior insula across these diagnostic groups, suggesting that insular disruption may be a shared feature across different conditions.

References: Goodkind et al. (2015); Namkung et al. (2017); Nomi et al. (2019), Insular function in autism.

The divers reflex is a physiological response to cold water submersion, involving the vagus nerve slowing the heart rate and redirecting blood flow. This reflex helps conserve oxygen and maintain blood pressure, a survival mechanism observed in many mammals.

The vagus nerve also plays a role in the fight/flight/freeze response, and its activation via cold therapy can bring someone out of a traumatized state. The resulting release of chemicals like dopamine and endorphins release acts as a natural antidepressant. A short healing window occurs as it appears to put ones brain waves into the healing part. If you have never got through this release with someone, you need to hold a connection through it. Go into that little shock together and come out of it together.

Ice is not needed: Adults only need 21C and babies have a more sensitive reflex. Whilst the divers reflex is activated by the face, shivering is more important for stress release, its more about putting your body into temperature regulation mode vs stress/trauma mode. The face does not have to go in water, running in and out of the sea, playing in an outdoor paddling pool are all adequate for children.

Activating the shiver, creates a window of healing to allow healing of this natural release, before emotional overload returns. Over time as a child's starts to release more emotion, it will start to take longer and longer before overload returns. A school term longer than 8 weeks often puts most children into an overloaded state and ruptures with peers start.

This article covers the different chemicals from the stress of cold from full body immersion vs the face and triggering the divers reflex response.

Identified by Elaine Aron, 15-20% of the population are thought to fit this profile. Similar to the Dandelion and Orchid by W. Thomas Boyce; Some children need supportive, nurturing environment to thrive.

Key traits include:

Sensitivity isn't the same for everyone, some people can be extremely 'hyper' sensitive. Nervous system inflammation can impact sensitivity too, deep muscles/fascia will tense over the nerves making them more sensitive. Profiles can fluctuate.

Dr Aletha Solter has strong views on the word regulation and there is mixed advice within the psych industry. In teaching my child to "bring their emotions back in to balance" I've learnt:

We all have an Emotional Cup.

If you try to sooth and emotion it will just come out later on via another trigger. If you keep soothing this will build up and up and up. Tantrums and more explosive emotions will start to happen.

In school children you can see in terms longer than 8 weeks, by weeks 9-11 children and friend groups start rupting as their social processing reduces. This can often be seen in regressive autism. Children regressing and losing skills as stress builds up. Having a higher sensory profile means more is stress to their minds and bodies and they are more impacted by our natural stress release being disrupted.

When overload reaches a certain point our natural release of play stops working.

Eventually you burn out. Neurodiverse adults often burn out every 3-4 years.

When childrens emotions have built up and our emotional cups are full, the smallest trigger can unleash a torrent of tears. A broken cookie, a lost toy - these seemingly trivial incidents become the pretext for a full-blown crying fit.

Loving limits should be used when childrens behavior is demonstrating there is a deep need to release built up emotions. Set the limit and hold their response in your love and acceptance and let any big feelings come out, knowing there is a deeper meaning to this release of emotion.

Explore with what words might work for your family. A popular one is "I am not willing for …".

Children have a natural cycle that evolves from baby to adult.

As we grow into adults the release just evolves. Play becomes school which then becomes work, the nightly cry becomes a chat to release the stressors of the day.

This could be used as a nightly routine or a single game could be used to address one problematic area like brushing teeth and good for PDA profiles.

Crying and Play go together to make up our bodies natural stress and trauma release.

If your child has faced a significant trauma, please work with a play therapist. Children will naturally play out their trauma with their parent. This section teaches a parent so they can see that it is happening, it does not replace professional support that might be needed.

The same function of play, laughter and crying is also how the body releases minor stressors and major traumas.

Stress and trauma can interfere with the learning process by causing confusion, anxiety, grief, anger, and difficulty concentrating.

Children will heal from trauma naturally if they;

Trauma is anything that causes physical or emotional pain or that threatens a child’s well being. Traumas can be minor events, such as the loss of a toy or a bee sting, or major life-changing events such as the death of a parent or a terrorist attack, traumas are shocks to a child's sensory input.

Anything that the a child interprets as threatening can be traumatic, even when it does not pose a real danger. Trauma impacts children differently to adults.

Children need both safety and connection to process and heal from trauma effectively.

Feeling safe and connected during a frightening event can prevent both hyperarousal and dissociation as well as the development of post-traumatic symptoms.

Studies have show neurotypical and neurodivergent people play differently, with the below themes identified in neurodivergent children.

If play is how we all release our stress and trauma together yet different neuro-types play differently together, how do we better understand that and support each other through play?

Understanding Neurodiverse Social Play Between Autistic and Non-Autistic Children | Proceedings of the 2024 CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems

Neuro Diverse children can freeze developmentally around parallel play, when they do start to collaborate they hold onto power and want everyone equal. Neuro typical play falls into a power structure often led by the strongest or smartest. That power structure mirrors society powering over children as children play out their wounds, that can also be unhealthy. That dynamic can be found in all communities, workplaces clicks around power dynamics.

When children do Occupational Therapy they will play with rice, shaving foam, run around a room, swing, climb in and out of stretchies, rolling around etc. It is a form of Non Directive Child Led Play, Collaborative and Body Contact. All play can be sensory integrating, so it is an important awareness for children that might need support with sensory integration.

None of the nine play types disappear - they transform. Each one has a healthy adult form, and a pathology of absence when lost.

Relational (Attachment) repair is restoring the child's map of relational behaviors and responses via;

Dr Brown's 3 pillars can be adapted for children:

We should strive to be aware of the ways in which own childhood interferes with our ability to be effective parents and make conscious efforts to avoid passing on our own hurts to children.

If children are in overload, or unregulated they struggle to learn. Using visual aids like a mini white board to draw game ideas out and agree the game and rules together at the start can be an effective way to teach play concepts.

Create a game based on the child's special interests where the parent defines all the rules. This gradually restores power, control, and co-creation dynamics through play. Example theme: Dinosaurs.

Skipping layers is the most common reason repairs feel hollow even when the words sound right.

When a parent repairs with a child, the child learns something that will shape every relationship they ever have: adults make mistakes, adults acknowledge them, and connection survives. Children whose parents actively repaired showed significantly more secure attachment outcomes than those whose parents simply tried to avoid rupture. (Brown & Elliott)

Animals give children a safe, playful way to connect with difficult inner parts. Just as astrology uses animals to describe human traits, we can use animal characters in play to help children act out, process, and integrate emotions they cannot yet name.

There might be times when releasing of emotions isn't appropriate. e.g. on an airplane or class. In those moment a breathing game can help. If doing this, expect the calming to be only temporary and the emotions to come out at a later time.

To teach the concepts, play this co-operative game when a child is happy. Add elements of power-reversal and non-sense and have the child blow you over or the animal impression being so scary and powerful that you run and hide! When utilizing in moments of distress, ask the child to pick their own animal breath to match their emotion. Lion for angry, Bunny or Bee for hyper and silly, Bear for sad. etc

The best breath is two deep inhales followed by 1 long exhale to simulate the physiological sigh. If a child is anxious for a performance then use skills. It shouldnt be used to stop tantrums or meltdowns or general distress.

Developmentally appropriate for 4 years old upwards.

It's important to be able to feel the felt experience, not just intellectually knowing these things about yourself.

Posner and Petersen distinguish three interacting attention systems.

Play combines sensory information, movement, attention, emotion, relationship, memory and decision-making. Different forms of play draw on different parts of the brain while the networks continue working together.

This Theory claims personal growth and self-actualization can emerge from inner conflict and emotional turmoil. Dąbrowski argued that individuals experience different levels of mental functioning, and that crises can lead to a "disintegration" of their previous understanding of self and the world.

This disintegration can be seen as a necessary and positive process, where individuals reassess their values and beliefs, ultimately leading to higher levels of development, empathy, and a more complex understanding of themselves and their relationships with others. Dąbrowski emphasized that this process is often accompanied by intense emotions and existential struggles, but it can foster greater creativity, moral development, and personal fulfillment.

Each level reflects a different degree of psychological complexity and integration;

Dąbrowski's framework emphasizes that progress through these levels is not linear and can involve setbacks and re-evaluations, but each stage contributes to personal growth and development.

The Dark Night of the Soul is a similar concept.

Spirituality, Faith, Hope & Cultural Traditions

Cultivating the above items allow a child to feel connected and part of something bigger than themselves.

When you take on a larger and larger perspective, ones become more inclusive. If people have a larger perspective that is humanitarian, civic, or spiritual and think from that larger interconnected perspective it has a profound impact for positive mental health.

Cultural traditions often involve symbolic play and story telling. Western society often doesn't have space for these important social releases which get lost or suppressed impacting the well-being of indigenous societies.

Purpose

If a child fails to have a positive effect on people around them, or fails to receive delight in their mastery, their esteem and development of 'Self' is impacted.

Due to the nature of separation and attachment. Children will often start to explore the questions around death and what happens.

When left to their own imagination children will create their own belief system that mirrors a basic good place and bad place (Justin L Barett, Born Belivers), with someone there to love you so they are not alone or that they can come back as something else. Or alternatively you come back as something else. This varies on cultural background and child. Some explore re-encarnation and coming back as something else all unprompted.

Using techniques from How to Talk to Kids book, before providing an answer pause then ask the child back and wait a while for their response. Let them explore their own imagination, creativity and natural wisdom. The type of imagery they share will also give you an indication of the developmental level of information to share back with them.

When children go through teenage years they will reject their parents world which can mean rejecting their parents faith. Let a child build their own so it isn't something they lose.

3rd wave psych modalities draw from Buddhism and mindfulness is watered down form of meditation rebranded for secular audiances. Dr Brown's IPF visualizations are adapted from Guru Yoga, cold water immersion is like a traditional Jorden River baptism, all religions have water practices. Christians have Jesus prayer for concentration and Buddhism has the Elephant Path practice, indiginous practices have plant medication that we are only just understanding, psychedleics "reseting" brain networks giving a window of placicity, they have rights of passage we have lost in the west, the importance of community and elders.

Every cultural rituals holds purpose. Every psalm is a emotion, a symbolic game you could play if you didn't know what to play. Yoga moves can be turned into silly body games as another option, find what pratice that is in your culture, religion, faith or science. Find what speaks to your body and find your community. Rituals themselves being a form of play.

Dr Brown teaches psychology mirrors spirituality, that attachment healing leads to buddhahood, I've learnt that it isn't just Buddhism, it's all religions or indiginous practices that have what is needed within them. Brown's talk can be found below.

People argue over faith but what if maybe we were all right? instead of looking at how we differ look at the similarities and celebrate that the practices support nervous systems of our children struggling? An act in your religion or culture might help my child and vs versa. That is worth celebrating.

It happens in an order; body, connection and community, refuge, identity, ethics, concentration, higher states, disintegration and integration, transmission, death & grief and sound. Conduct and integration of states that vary between them all.

10 traits that build resilience

This concept can play a part of a person's Disintegration or Dark Night of the Soul. Joseph Campbell's "Hero's Journey" outlines a common narrative archetype found in myths and stories worldwide, detailing the universal stages of transformation an individual undergoes during a significant life transition.

Maureen Murdock’s Heroine’s Journey is a female take on the story: It is about rejecting femininity, taking on mascaline traits and then as part of the journey see the value and return of her femininity. Some say this is fitting a women into a Man's story.

Virgin's Promise is a version that tries to address that complaint. The Heroine's Journey is more of an 'assert your will' within society. vs Be all you can be.

A person no matter the gender might need to go on either journey or take on different parts of each journey within one's own life.

Levin proposes that all biological systems are "nested problem solvers." Just as humans solve problems in 3D space, individual cells and tissues solve problems in morphospace (the space of all possible anatomical shapes).

The core mechanism for this cellular communication is bioelectricity. All cells (not just neurons) have ion channels and gap junctions that allow them to communicate electrically.

Planaria are a model organism for his work because they are immortal and highly regenerative.

He outlines his framework TAME (Technological Approach to Mind Everywhere), which seeks to recognize and classify intelligence regardless of its origin (evolved, designed, or hybrid).

His work demonstrates that there is wisdom within the cells and electrical networks of the body/mind and not just within DNA.

Hide and seek and other separation games like chasing are good for separation trauma and anxiety.

Play hide and seek in 1 room. Then expand to larger locations or multiple rooms as the child's confidence grows. If the child crys, stop hiding and sit with the child to support them through the emotion that has been triggered. When they are ready ask if they would like to continue playing.

If there has been a retraumatization, playing out the trauma again doesn't always work. In those instances, once the trauma has been played out for the original trauma, the secondary trauma has to be processed by talking about it or safe exposure and triggering a crying response until all emotion has been released. This might have to happen over several weeks with lots and lots of tears.