Playful Collaboration
The following slides are a 'Playful Collaboration' a program to support children and parents inspired by Aletha Solter's Aware Parenting and Daniel P Brown's Integrative Attachment Therapy, Bruce Perry's neuro-sequential model, Peter Levine's Somatic experiencing and data from Harvard's center on the developing child, along with a few other peoples work.
For the work I reference and images, all copyright belongs to the original holders, please buy their books if any of this resonates. Content is used under 'Fair Dealing'.
Copyright Steven Simmons ©
What is Attachment Play? Dr Aletha Solter
- Created by Aletha Solter in 1990, Aware Parenting is a trauma-informed approach that emphasizes building emotional connection and trust over punishment and reward.
- It helps raise cooperative, compassionate, competent, nonviolent and drug-free children through emotional awareness.
- Attachment play is a concept within Aware Parenting that focuses on strengthening the emotional bond between parents and children through playful interactions.
- It emphasizes the importance of crying & play as a means to enhance connection and help children process their emotions.
This is not Aware Parenting but utilizes concepts from Aware Parenting, updating the concepts to include repairing play types and to bring children out of overload to then allow emotions to come back into balance, and the understanding that sense need to be 'cooled' before emotions can come into balance. This allows the concepts to support some neurodiverse profiles more effectively.
Copyright Steven Simmons ©
Highly Sensitive - Elaine Aron
Identified by Elaine Aron, 15-20% of the population are thought to fit this profile. Similar to the Dandelion and Orchid by W. Thomas Boyce; Some children need supportive, nurturing environment to thrive.
Key traits include:
- Deep Processing: They think deeply about experiences and feelings.
- Emotional Intensity: They often feel emotions more intensely, both their own and others'.
- Sensitivity to Stimulation: They can become overstimulated in busy or chaotic environments.
- Empathy: They may have a strong sense of empathy and intuition about others' feelings.
While being highly sensitive can present challenges, it also comes with strengths, such as creativity, compassion, and a rich inner life.
Having higher emotional needs means there are higher parenting needs due to stronger emotions that need to be supported. The health of the stress release function is very important during the early formative years as they are more at risk of invisible stress.
Studies have shown that generational trauma and prenatal stress from either parent all increase sensitivity in newborns. What is stress become more subtle when children are wired more sensitively.
Sensitivity isn't the same for everyone, some people can be extremely 'hyper' sensitive. For some people this can impact certain medications and drug strengths. Nervous system inflammation can impact sensitivity too as deep muscles will tense over the nerves making them more sensitive.
Senses can also be hyper-sensitive and over stimulating. They can also be hypo-sensitive where there is a reduced response, individuals may not notice or react to sensory input, leading them to seek out more intense sensory experiences.
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Integrated Attachment Therapy (Ideal Parent Figure) Dr Daniel P Brown
It is noted that not all military personnel will develop PTSD after a traumatic event. Dr Browns work shows that your attachment style affects how trauma can impact you and Aletha's work further supports that by showing that child/people will naturally play out their trauma if the environment is right. This could explain that you are less likely you will hold trauma post a traumatic event by having secure relationships and the impact of your environment.
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NeuroSequential Model - Dr Bruce Perry
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Somatic Experiencing - Dr Peter Levine
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Is there such thing as Emotional Regulation?
Aletha Solter has strong views on the word regulation and there is mixed advice within the psych industry. In teaching my child to "bring their emotions back in to balance" I've learnt:
Self Regulation
The concept of regulation is a misleading, a child kicking and screaming having a temper-tantrum on the floor is trying to get themselves regulated and needs to complete the process, moving their arms and legs, twitching are all part of our release depending on the level of emotion that needs to come out.
Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is also misleading, it can incorrectly imply one needs to regulate the other person by patting, rocking, ssshhing, bouncing etc. This makes people feel like they have to stop crying instead of releasing all of the emotion. This can cause emotion to build up due to suppression.
Try, rocking, patting and shhing your partner next time they are upset. See what happens. 😄
Balance of Emotions & Balance of Attention
One staying in their own emotional balance providing a balance of attention (connection & attunement) is all that is needed to support another person bring their own emotions back into balance.
Describe your own sensory experience of that persons distress. Provide a space for the person to describe their own emotions and offer attunement and compassion.
There are two parts to releasing stress and trauma
- A cry that has a tremble, whimper and shiver to it. This can go into a full prolonged shiver for bigger trauma releasing.
- 9 types of play, 4 that bring connection and 5 that transform trauma.
When a person feels safe, connected and powerful they will naturally play out their trauma via one of the 5 play types.
Copyright Steven Simmons ©
Key Concepts
Power & Control
Attachment Play helps shift the focus from control to connection, promoting cooperation and understanding. It also encourages to create moments where the child feels powerful.
Crying & Raging
Recognize crying as a natural and necessary part of emotional processing and encourage parents to support their child's emotions, so not to suppress them.
The Broken Cookie
This is an important emotional release that is often misunderstood. Bottled up big feelings being released over something appearing minor.
Loving Limits
The use of setting boundaries and lovingly listen to any emotion the limit brings. This helps children understand expectations and feel secure to experience emotions that may come.
9 Types of Attachment Play
These diverse play activities foster emotional connection, trust, and security between parent and child. They also help resolve trauma in children.
Trauma and Stress
The importance of play and crying in the natural release of stress and trauma.
Connection/Balance of Attention
The importance of connection for this stress and trauma release to work.
Our Own Healing
This journey of growth and understanding is not just for children, but also for the adults. We encourage parents and educators to reflect on their own past experiences and how they impact their interactions with children.
Copyright Steven Simmons ©
How do you play?
Aletha's work shows that children will play out their stressors, play is how you build social skills, play is how you build brain networks and develop concentration. Co-operative play that involves collaboration sync the brain networks of all parties involved.
Play develops to wanna hang out? in teens. To wanna collaborate at work? as adults.
Studies have show neurotypical and neurodivergent people play differently, with the below themes identified in neurodivergent children.
If play is how we all release our stress and trauma together yet different neuro-types play differently together, how do we better understand that and support each other through play?
Copyright Steven Simmons ©